Today is December 15th, or as I will always remember it now -- Diagnosis Day.
Some of the memories from that day are crystal clear: my heart pounding in my chest, tears that wouldn't stop, the sound of the doctors voice as I tried to make sense of his words.
Other things I thought I'd never forget from that day have faded away. What I remember mostly now is my sense that no matter what, Ali was going to experience Christmas the way she always had -- because she loved it, and I loved her.
Talking to my best friend recently, she asked me if this was a hard day, a hard time of year. My answer surprised her.
For me, Christmas brings back memories, yes. But these memories make me feel so close to Ali.
Red, green and yellow lights on a twinkling Christmas tree; packages wrapped up with ribbon; Santa Claus and oh yes, Christmas music! All of these delighted Ali, and now, they delight me. Still.
I miss her beyond words. But especially during this time of year, I feel her everywhere.
Merry Christmas, Ali. I hope you love your foundation. Love, Mommy.